Self Careathon: Day Two

Day Two: Obstacles

I’m not going to lie, I am my biggest obstacle.  It’s true.  There’s a lot of stuff that I won’t do because I’m scared or terrified.  Public speaking, singing, musical theatre are probably the biggest obstacles I have.  To me all three fall into one category.  Being able to do these three is something I have always scared myself out of.

I was bullied in middle school and high school because of the way that I looked.  So in my mind that said why on earth would I willing put myself in front of these people?  That’s would just give them more ammunition.  It just wasn’t something I was willing to do.  I actually tried out for a medical in high school.  I knew that I wouldn’t make it, but I wanted to try anyway.  I did okay in the singing area, but because of nerves I started off a little rough.  But I ended pretty well, I thought at the time.  Then came the dancing, so didn’t do well in that.  I’m a terrible dancer.  The following weekday, knowing that I didn’t make it I asked the drama teacher (who was my stage craft teacher) how I did.  She laughed at me to my face and said “You were terrified.”  Kind of just left it at that.  I quit singing, for a long time, after that.

Because of this type of things, I have a hard time trusting people as well.  What sad is that being let down wasn’t just something from when I was a kid, it also transferred in to my adult life.  I have built up a huge wall to keep people out.  Sad part is, it’s hard to break down those walls once they’ve been built so high.

But the walls are whole other obstacle to deal with.

Self Careathon: Day One

So one of the things that I’m adding to the blog is making it an actual blog!  So original, I know.  But I’ve also decided to add a few things.  Starting with a few 30 day challenges. These will rage from photo challenges to self care challenges.  I’m going to start with 2 challenges.  One photo and one self care.  And here is the first one.

So the first one is the Blurt Self Care-A-Thon, from

Day one: 10 Things About Me

  1. I tend to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own.

This is actually big one and I’ve done it as far back as I can remember.  Even when I try to put my needs first I some how, don’t on a lot of things.  There are a few things that I will do for me, like going to the doctor.  It is a continuous struggle for me, but I am working on putting my self first.

2.  I bite my nails.

This is one of the worst habits I have had.  I have tried to quit several times.  I have tried the crap you put on your nails that tastes awful.  I’ve tried fake nails, but I hate the way my nails get filed down and the never get the correct length… ever.  Sad part is now I don’t bite them as much as I used to but I pick at them, which is worse.

3.  I love to sing.

Mom says I have been singing since I could talk.  Even now she says that my voice has gotten better over the years.  When I worked at 7-Eleven, I would sing to the radio and would often get compliments.  My favorite was when I was singing to a Selena Gomez song (Whoa Oh! with Forever the Sickest Kids) one of my favorites at the time.  And I turned around to a customer just staring at me, so I stopped.  He told me to keep going.

4.  Speaking or singing in front of an audience terrifies me.

It’s true.  I love to sing, but actually doing it in front of a large crowd, on stage makes me want to puke.  I wish I didn’t get so scared, cause I’ve always wanted to be in a musical or a few.  I need to work on that.

5.  I hate having my picture taken.

This is something I’ve always had a problem with.  I am not that pretty, in my opinion.  I am over weight and have low self esteem.  So when someone show’s me a picture of myself, I cringe on the inside.  I think I look awful.

6.  I still sleep with a stuffed animal.

And his name is Ben.  I have had been since I was a sophomore in high school and I still sleep with him.  He’s like an anxiety blanket, so to speak.  He’s always there.  If I wake up and don’t have him by me, I search frantically until I find him. (My Ben is the one on the left. The one on the right is what Ben looked like when I got him.)

7.  I have 4 cats.

Usually we say 3.5 cats.  I have Makita (a Russian blue) who turned 17 this year, vet says for his age, he’s in great condition. LOL!!  There is miss Cali bug (Calico), who is the princess, she turned 12 this year.  Then there’s Boz (tuxedo colored Ocicat mix), who is my baby baby at 7 years old, is a registered Emotional Support Animal.  And we tend to do a lot together.  Mainly nap and work from home.  And mr. 3.5, or George as he’s more commonly known is our brown tabby, who is inside durning night time and outside during daytime ours (weather pending).  He’s about almost 3 years old.

8.  One of my favorite drinks is the original Monster.

Not going to lie, freaking best thing ever.  And I used to have one a day.  But I also know that it is possibly one of the worst things that I can put into my body.  Which is why actually haven’t had one in going on 2 months.  I miss it so, but I’m doing good, so I can’t really say anything.

9.  I love to read.

I don’t get to do it as often as I’d like, but love to read.  I actually own a ton of books.  I have a huge to be read list, and a lot more that I would like to read on top of that.  It’s almost as if I just want to read anything and everything.

10.  I don’t like being around a lot of people.

Which is weird because I actually do really well with people.  It just gives me such anxiety to be around a large number if people.  I’m an empath and can feel the mood of the room and when there is a lot of conflicting personalities together is insanely draining on me.