Self Careathon: Day Two

Day Two: Obstacles

I’m not going to lie, I am my biggest obstacle.  It’s true.  There’s a lot of stuff that I won’t do because I’m scared or terrified.  Public speaking, singing, musical theatre are probably the biggest obstacles I have.  To me all three fall into one category.  Being able to do these three is something I have always scared myself out of.

I was bullied in middle school and high school because of the way that I looked.  So in my mind that said why on earth would I willing put myself in front of these people?  That’s would just give them more ammunition.  It just wasn’t something I was willing to do.  I actually tried out for a medical in high school.  I knew that I wouldn’t make it, but I wanted to try anyway.  I did okay in the singing area, but because of nerves I started off a little rough.  But I ended pretty well, I thought at the time.  Then came the dancing, so didn’t do well in that.  I’m a terrible dancer.  The following weekday, knowing that I didn’t make it I asked the drama teacher (who was my stage craft teacher) how I did.  She laughed at me to my face and said “You were terrified.”  Kind of just left it at that.  I quit singing, for a long time, after that.

Because of this type of things, I have a hard time trusting people as well.  What sad is that being let down wasn’t just something from when I was a kid, it also transferred in to my adult life.  I have built up a huge wall to keep people out.  Sad part is, it’s hard to break down those walls once they’ve been built so high.

But the walls are whole other obstacle to deal with.

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